Posts by individuals wife

8

TY for Welcome, some Questions?????

by Cassiline in

jw
friends

thank you all for the warm welcome!

it has been so hard living, believeing that i am an anomaly.

i realize that there are others out there who have lived and expierenced what i have.

individuals wife

Reading the Crisis of Conscience book will go a long way to helping you come to terms with the fact that you were misled. It will help you justify your reasons for leaving and will make you realise that you did indeed make the right decision. So don't be afraid to read it, it will only strengthen your determination.

You talk of feelings of guilt, sadness, grief and anger. I can identify with all of those feelings - I lived with the guilt of dragging my kids to the meetings, the sadness of missing out on so much with my wordly family, the grief of realising that the resurrection hope I had been taught - the hope of seeing my father again on the earth - was no longer to be trusted, and the anger....
I have resolved all those feelings except for anger. I still feel very angry with how I was treated and how I still treated, being shunned continuously on a daily basis by people who I considered to be very good friends. I feel angry with myself as well for not investigating further the religion that I belonged to, I am angry that I was so gullible and trusting, so unaware of the rubbish I was being taught. I don't want this anger ever to disappear though, it keeps me strong and resolved never to go back. If I were to become complacent there is every danger that I may drift right back in again, it happened before and I will not let it happen again - not now that I know so much more about the organisation.

So, welcome to Cassiline, it is good to have you here, I hope you find here what you are looking for. And please dont hesitate to ask questions - they are very welcome, even if we have heard them before!!

11

Why did you have children (or not)?

by JustAThought in

jw
friends

ok, after reading some of the responses in the mental health and depression forum ... and of the mormons' urging of their followers to have large families, ... and participating in the discussion on the costs associated with having and raising children, ... the question comes up ... .

for those of you with children or not, or those contemplating having children or not, ... what factors did/do you consider in making your decision (or, was there any decision-making involved)?.

do you think children, largely, are just a by-product of sexual activity between fertile men and women, ... or are there other, deeper issues involved?.

individuals wife

bboyneko.... mmm, sounds like an elder I once knew...

3

When the dubs cry

by freeman in

jw
friends

what is it about the organization that changes seemingly normal people into carbon copies of corporate policy, changes them down to their very soul?

how is it that loyalty to this organization can cause one to turn off natural affection between parent and child, spouses, grandparents etc.

what exactly, specifically, is it that they do during these five weekly meetings and/or with their printed words that has such a profound and powerful effect on people.

individuals wife

I think for me part of the whole problem was that the 'truth' got to be a habit, a routine, a whole way of life that just swept you along. When I look back at the years I was in the organisation I can barely recall other events that happened to me outside of the org. The whole experience seems to have merged into one long episode of meetings, field service, assemblies and conventions. I do not really recall having much of a life outside of all that.

When you have their information drummed into you day after day, week after week, year after year, you can become almost like a corpse walking around, you lose your own identity and I for one felt 'lifeless', as though all my spirit, all my zest for life had been sucked out of me.

So the whole thing just turned almost into a ritual, doing the right study on the right nights, getting to the meetings, doing what was expected, fulfilling your obligations of baptism and being on the theocratic school. I stayed in because it was a comfortable routine and gave my life some order and stability..... until I started seeing the problems and started running... and running... and running. Now I have stopped running. And I stand here defiant. I have broken free of their control and I am very proud of it.

Lists

by individuals wife in

http://members.tripod.co.uk/tenof/heartof.htm.

liked the entry under no.3 - (especially point no.

mind you entry nos.

individuals wife

. http://members.tripod.co.uk/tenof/heartof.htm

Liked the entry under No.3 - (especially point no. 10)

Mind you entry nos. 8 and 9 were pretty funny too....

25

Bethel rules... fables or truth...

by MrMoe in

jw
friends

can you all enlighten me, i have heard certain "bethel rules" and wanted to find out if they are fact or fiction.

1. only one item on any surface at any time (a phone or lamp etc.. as long as it is just 1 item.).

2. allowance of $80 a month for toiletries etc... (has that allowance gone up).

individuals wife

I heard that you get issued with a door key when you arrive and if you lose it you are reprimanded and given another. If you lose that one you do not get another... so what then? Are you a prisoner in Bethel?!?!

2

Is there a meaning to life?Does it matter anymore?

by sleepy in

jw
friends

what is the meaning of life?

is there a god ?.

are all questions that at one time i though i had the answers to or at least almost had the answers to.. now , well i don't know.. the question i now consider is ,does it matter?.

individuals wife

What are we? what is the meaning of life? is there a God ?

In answer to your first question - I think we are special, unusual creatures who have a yearning to know more about our existence, we have a spirituality, a thirst for knowledge about our place in the universe. We are set apart from all the other creatures on this planet in these respects.

In answer to your second question - well, if only I had the whole answer to that question... I feel that the meaning of life is to live it to the full, to utilise every moment, not waste a second. To love and be loved. To be happy and make others happy. To be responsible towards others and the world around you. We are very fortunate to have life and I feel that it is a waste if we do not try and do something useful with it.

Now, your third question.... is there a God? Mmmmm, generally I do not believe in things unless I actually see them for myself, I am a sceptical person, things need to be proved to me, yet for all that I find myself very drawn to the concept of God. I had always been a religious person, attended different churches, listened to differing messages, studied a variety of belief systems. Then I found the JWs. Through their teachings I became afraid of God, I feared Him. I was afraid of His judgmental attitude and his behaviour towards people in the Bible. I was coming across new terminology - God is jealous, God was angry, God demands this, God demands that. No longer did I see him in the same light. When I da'd last year I left with no trace of faith left in me whatsoever, it had all been drained out of me, I was left with no opinions one way or the other, I just did not care anymore.

Now, as time goes on and I am realising that the teachings of the society are twisted and judgmental I am finding the stirrings of my faith beginning to disturb me once again. It has been something that I have tried to suppress, I thought I had had enough of religion to last me a lifetime. Yet there is something there, a tiny piece of faith that has remained and is nagging me from within. I don't know what I shall do with it, whether I will pursue it or not, I don't know. It is so hard knowing which direction to go in.

All I know is that I have come out of the JWs a whole lot wiser and know what I do NOT want to believe.

As for the truth, it may be out there somewhere, I hope it is, and I hope that I do find it one day. I do believe though that no one religion has a monopoly with the truth and when I look around at the work of some of the churches who deal with homeless and needy and poor I realise that they certainly have more of the truth of Gods word than the JWs ever had. These churches really respond to the words of Jesus, they have the mark of true Christianity because they choose to imitate him.

20

A brief summary of life as one of JW's

by Angst in

thank you stacey and individual's wife!

i appreciate your comments and encouragement.

the ex-witnesses i am in communication with are family and they are very hateful towards the witnesses.

individuals wife

Wow, that it is an incredible story - to be able to escape after being so 'prepared' as a youngster is a real achievement.

Everytime I hear of life at Bethel I marvel at how anybody can ever stick being there - it sounds like a nightmare. How you survived over 18 months is a mystery to me! Examples like yours serve as a reminder of why I left...

You asked the question:

Why do Witnesses have to treat former Witnesses so poorly?

I feel they do this for a whole variety of reasons, all of them unscriptual, but the main reason I believe is fear. Fear that they will be ousted from the congregation. I am continually shunned by many former friends who I know would still speak to me regardless of my religious leanings if it were'nt for the threat of being disfellowshipped. It is certainly a sad state of affairs and I am sure their disgusting conduct is being watched by God and being disapproved of.

11

Post WTBTS Life

by Angst in

i have been inactive for about three and a half years now and just recently after making some big changes in my life have i made a commitment not to return to the "organization".

for quite awhile now i've just felt like i was apathetic towards religion.

now i'm disgusted by religion, religious dogma, and fanaticism.. one thing that i've noticed in those i deal with that are ex-witnesses is that many tend to swing the exact opposite direction once they leave.

individuals wife

Angst - First of a big welcome to the board - I hope that you enjoy your time here and find it useful, comforting, stimulating, educational, whatever you want it to be or need it to be.

I congratulate you on your determination never to go back to the organisation - it can be quite daunting to step out from the org. and reclaim your life. I sincerely hope that things are going well for you and that you are managing to move on in your life.

You make an interesting point about people swinging the opposite way when they leave the organisation - I think what you are observing is peoples reaction to freedom - the organisation, as you are certainly aware, is very lethal to the individuality of a person, his freedom of expression and his 'spirit'. When people are constantly told not to do this, or not to do that, it is only human nature to go against this when the opportunity arises. When the chains of the organisation are broken a person is able to become the person they want to be instead of the person the Society wants them to be.

For those that maybe leave and immediately get a tattoo or a piercing I can understand that this maybe serves as a sign to others that they are free to live life as they wish. I imagine it must be quite a liberating experience although I have no desire to do either myself!

I am no psychiatrist but I believe that the drug issue may be an expression of freedom also, and perhaps a way to forget the pain of their experiences... again I have no desire to get involved with this either!

As for immoral lifestyles, I am not convinced that being an exJW tends to make you immoral - far from it in fact. You will find a lot of people on this board who are more than content with their partners and would not dream of looking elsewhere - me for starters! To get away from the organisations rules and regulations about how you should conduct your sex life is very refreshing - it no longer feels as though you have to analyse everything. Immorality amongst unmarried people is another matter entirely and whether you agree with sex before marriage is quite up to you, in a perfect world - yes, it would be nice, but it is not practical and could lead to problems of incompatibility if not explored prior to marriage.

Holidays? I dont know of anyone who celebrates Christmas purely because to them it signifies the birth of Christ. I am sure you would agree with me that today the festival has lost much of its meaning.
To most people it is merely a time for families to get together, have a good meal, exchange gifts and generally relax and watch the women do all the work... The religion has almost been removed from Christmas now, and Easter too. What child associates Easter with Christ? More like chocolate eggs and the Easter bunny. As for birthdays, when I saw how lame the JW argument was for not celebrating them I realised that there is nothing wrong in congratulating my kids on reaching little milestones in their lives, making them feel extra special for one day of the year, giving them something to look forward to - seeing their little faces light up because they know they are the centre of attention... Is God really that jealous that he cant bear to see this delight in children?
And when a person reaches his 100th birthday is it so wrong to make a fuss and say 'well done - what an achievement - have a happy day!'

I, like you, maintain a good conscience and try to follow my heart, not the world or the JWs. I never have been one to follow the crowd. My main aim is to keep my family happy and stable and to try and give as much of my time and energy as possible to help other people. And what other people do with their freedom - I leave up to them, some of them have been in chains so long - they deserve to stretch their legs a little....

Anyway, like I said, a big welcome - looking forward to hearing more from you!

1

Imagine

by drahcir yarrum in

jw
friends

in the words of the late john lennon, "imagine".

imagine that the jw's were right and armageddon made bird feed out of everyone except jw's.

imagine that you survived into the "new world".

individuals wife

Good grief... and to think we prayed for that to come... so glad to have woken up to the real world.

Did we honestly believe that we would be happy in a world full of JWs, some days - even when I was a JW - I could not be comfortable surrounded by such hypocrisy, such self-righteousness, such arrogance.
Imagine living in a world where everyone walks around with a smug look on their face as if to say - 'there, we were right all along - they should have listened to us.'

The attitude of some JWs I worked with on the doors really used to disgust me - their contempt for their fellow humans, their disregard for their own belief systems, the way they would come away from a door and speak in a derogatory fashion about the householder - I can't imagine that Jesus would have done such a thing!

No, I leave the new system in the nightmare department, where it belongs. With the JWs in charge it would be unbearable.

13

The DAY AFTER [Dateline]

by biblexaminer in

jw
friends

what will happen the day after?.

i have a recent personal experience from "field service" that may shed a little light on this subject.. first, i do believe that many of my "bros and sises" will see this.

they are all dateline watchers, and just knowing their personalities, if they are able, they will watch.. will they talk about it amongst themselves?

individuals wife

We had a programme on JWs in the UK a few years ago which was a less than positive look at the organisation.... can't remember the name but I do remember that we were warned from the platform not to watch it. Anyway, there we were the next day meeting up for field service and the subject of the programme came up and one brother asked what we could say in response to questions about the programme from householders - as none of us had watched it (yeah, right! We did and I suspect most of the others had too..) how could we respond to points raised about it?

The response to the brothers question? Say 'no comment'.

How would that have sounded on the doors? How lame! Surely if the points raised on the programme were false or misleading we would be able to defend any question the householder could bring up on it??
Instead we had to stick with the instructions given by the service overseer and just sound stupid... 'no comment... but would you like our latest magazine on bleh, bleh, bleh...'. With a response like that we deserved to have doors slammed in our faces even more than usual!!

I am sure that even as we speak the org. are working on damage limitation formulating more weak responses, maybe even working on literature to contradict the claims made against them. Somehow I dont believe this time that they will be able to pull the wool over peoples eyes...